Butterflies
by Naidoo
Summary: Penelope always thought she had it all, until something unexpected makes her realize she is missing something. More or less pure fluff...rating is for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: See? I told you there would be something new and shiny shortly. this is a bit longer than my last story - I'm working my way towards the next epic - and might have a few more or less unregular updates for a week at the end, since I'm heading on vacation again next week. I'm sure I'll have internet, just want to sent out a warning :) Also, a huge, huge, huge and shocked THANK YOU to whoever nominated two of my stories for three Profiler's Choice Awards_ - _it was rather unexpected. Thank you_, _it meant a lot to me..._

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><p>Penelope thought she had a good life. She had a boyfriend, a well paid career, great colleagues and her job left her with a certain 'I did something good today' feeling. She had a wonderful best friend, a good boyfriend, as well as a great boss. So life was pretty good in general. She had no reason for complaints. Okay there was always <em>something<em> that could be improved, but in general her life was good.

She had just visited her brother Parker and his family for a long weekend and spent New Year with them. Now, on her way back home to Washington D.C. she was sitting in her chair in the departure lounge, skipping through her newly purchased magazine and was waiting for boarding to start. The flight was delayed – of course. People around her were all cranky, complaining how in the good old days things were different – was it always. And of course the weather channel was predicting snow for the next few days for the East Coast. As if there ever was any other kind of weather during winter.

The new year was just five days old, and most people already had returned back to their old ways, cursing on yet another year with resolutions wasted. Penelope never made resolutions anymore anyway. She was okay with her life, herself, the people she was closest to. She didn't need to lose 20 pounds - okay, her doctor would probably disagree –wasn't smoking ,so there was no need to just stop, wasn't drinking too much alcohol and certainly didn't need to go out more. Her life was okay. She didn't miss or need anything in her life than the things that she already had.

After an hour her flight back to D.C. was finally ready for boarding, and of course, why should it be any different, she was seated in the area where she was surrounded by children who all seemed to be more or less parentless at this stage. Or maybe the parents were sitting in a different part of the cabin. As in 'the furthest back'.

Just when the aircraft was departing – with every child around her screeching out of joy and excitement - Penelope suddenly realized she was missing something. Something she hadn't felt in years.

Butterflies.


	2. I need a break

_A/N: SInce I got a few questions for the ballot for voting ... I think they aren't out et. I will let you know when they are online..._

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><p>"I don't understand," Kevin Lynch repeated for the fifth time tonight. Penelope had called him and asked whether he could come by her place. They needed to talk. She knew she should have maybe phrased it differently, but Kevin didn't seem too worried to begin with.<p>

"What's not to understand?" Penelope asked softly, wondering what about the words 'I need a break' weren't clear.

"Well, for starters … why?" Kevin asked, sounding annoyed by now.

"I … this relationship – we – are not going anywhere right now. We are together since three years, and quite honestly I thought that by now we would be married," Penelope confessed, before being interrupted by Kevin.

"You want to get married? Okay. Pick a date. Let's get married," Kevin responded, making Penelope sigh once more.

"Kevin, I don't … I don't mean I need to get married now. And I thought if you would propose it would sound less like a spontaneous idea or like that and some romance would be involved. I don't want to get married to you just because you feel like you _have_ to get married now. Just because I mentioned it."

"So, if you don't want to get married then, why do you need a break?" Kevin asked irritated.

"Because this relationship at the moment is just not going left or right, forward or back. It just … seems to be on hold," Penelope explained, wondering whether he might understand her now.

There was a break for a moment, with Kevin looking at Penelope intensely.

"It's Derek Morgan, isn't it?" he finally asked and Penelope wondered whether he was serious.

"What? No. What makes you think that?" she asked, not needing an answer actually. Every time – no matter whether there was any sense to it or not – Kevin brought up Derek Morgan as 'scapegoat' for everything.

"Sometimes I wonder who's more important to you Penelope. Derek or me?" Kevin asked and Penelope hoped he meant that as a rhetorical question. He didn't. And her rather dodging the question than answering should have told her a lot as well. But then again she herself had been aware of the crush she had on Derek Morgan ever since the day that they had laid eyes on each other. She never saw it moving anywhere though. They talked, flirted, like hell and it was a nice change to her otherwise rather dark job. But it wasn't more than that. It was exactly just that. Talk.

"You know what, Penny? Why don't you sleep with Derek Morgan?" Kevin exclaimed loudly, before getting his coat and making it through the door and quite possibly out of her life. That wasn't how she had expected this to go. But she shouldn't be surprised either. Morgan has always been an issue in the relationship of Kevin and her. Kevin seemed constantly jealous of Morgan and didn't seem to understand that he was her friend, and she wouldn't just stop talking to him, or going out with him because Kevin saw Morgan waiting on his chance behind every question. She agreed on reducing the nights out and together, but even that didn't seem to soften Kevin Lynch's disposition much.


	3. no zest for life

_A/N: For those who had been asking already - the voting ballot for the Profiler's Choice Awards is up since this morning. Go check it out - voting's open til 30th November...  
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><p>Penelope had made her mind up. And now there was nothing that could change it. Hotch had always pushed her to use up her vacation time which she had so nicely collected over the years. The thing was she had really not many places to go to.<p>

Three of her brothers lived in one of the bordering states, so she saw them more than enough. And the fourth was coming to the East Coast often enough on business or to just visit one of them, so she saw him more than enough as well. She didn't really feel like going anyplace all by herself, and most of her friends lived in Washington D.C. as well. She rarely had any contact to the old friends back in California.

By now she had used her previous vacation time to redecorate her apartment – twice. And she assumed a third time really wasn't necessary at this stage. And she didn't want to spend her vacation just being home. She saw the inside of her apartment already more than enough. No need to spend two weeks vacation per year there as well.

So she never had much reason to use her time. Until now.

Hotch of course was more than happy to let her go on vacation, assuring her they would find a tech to cover for her.

"Of course he or she won't be able to do what you do for us on a daily basis, but I'm sure we'll be alright," Hotch smiled at her and that might have been the first time she saw him ever smile.

"Thank you, sir," she smiled back at him, before leaving his office again.

Judith, a friend from college, who she had been in touch with again since just a few months turned out to live in Europe now. In Paris, to be exact, and had invited her over. Penelope always had dreamed of going to Paris one day. Of course she had thought more about it as on honeymoon, exploring the city of love as newlyweds, but since she didn't know whether she'd ever get married at this stage, she might as well go now and see all the things she wanted to see.

"What is it that I hear about you and going vacation, Baby Girl? You sure you'd want to go on vacation without your Hot Stuff?" she heard Morgan before she saw him. Of course he would know.

"I just decided I need some time off. And I haven't really taken much of my vacation over the years, so … yeah, I'll be going soon. And I'll miss you, I can guarantee you that," she smiled sweetly at him at which he pulled her out of her chair and into a hug.

"I'll miss you too, Baby," he whispered softly into her ear and it was funny. She hadn't even set a date yet. Well, not a specific one anyway. She knew the approximate timeframe and the month she was planning with, but needed to wait for word from Judith to see what worked best for her.

"I'm sure Lynch is looking forward to having you all to himself for a while," Morgan added, trying to sound nonchalantly.

"Um…" Penelope stopped at his statement. "Well, I wouldn't think so, seeing that we are … no longer together," she confessed, getting out of Morgan's hug and sitting back down.

"Oh yeah?" Morgan asked surprised. "When did that happen?"

"A few nights ago. We didn't … agree on things."

"Like what?"

"Butterflies," Penelope simply answered.

"I'm… sorry?" Morgan asked surprised, smiling at her. Had she said _Butterflies_?

"Just… never mind."

"Baby Girl?" Morgan probed his voice a bit deeper and stronger.

Penelope leaned back in her chair and just let out a sigh.

"Do you think one can lose their zest for life?" she asked and Morgan raised both eyebrows at her quizzically.

"I …um … well, I think that you can easily forget what life is about. In regards of losing said zest for life um… well, I wouldn't think so. Maybe it needs a bit reminding sometimes," Morgan answered, smiling softly at her. "Why? You have any problems?" Morgan asked concerned right after.

"I … don't know," Penelope answered truthfully. "I just feel like I have been missing out on things, like my life has reached a halt. My relationship didn't go anywhere, I seem to be not going anywhere, it all just seems so deadlocked. I remember when I was 18 and everything was possible. When the world was mine to explore and things were just waiting to be done. Now I work a nine to five job – well, nine to five if I'm lucky, sit in an office all day long and am not going anywhere. Is that's all that's left?"

"You sounds like you have hit an early mid-life crisis, baby," Morgan remarked and Penelope punched him playfully.

"I'm serious here Morgan," Penelope pouted and Morgan had to laugh again.

"So am I, Baby Girl. But … I mean, life is always what you make of it. It's up to you," came Morgan's reply.

"Well, thank you Hot Stuff, for these Yoda-wise remarks."

"I'm serious, Garcia. If you don't like what you do, maybe it's time for a change. I don't mean your job in general, just something," Derek looked her straight in the eye, seeing hesitations. "This isn't one of these 'Going to a convent in India and avoid modern civilization' things, right?" he asked immediately after.

"Can you see me in a convent in India?" Penelope asked surprised.

Morgan just shrugged at that. "Has all happened at some stage," he looked at her with a stern expression for a few moments, before bursting out laughing. "Okay, maybe I can't see you doing this."

"Well, thank you. For a moment I was worried."

"I take it that your sudden .. um …. approach to life has caused issues with Lynch then?" Morgan figured at which Penelope just nodded.

"I just wanted a break, see how thing were when I'd get back, but he of course didn't understand it. He thought I am cheating on him or god knows what. He was just …" Penelope ranted, stopping abruptly, realizing that this was what Morgan and the others had been telling her all along.

"Just like his usual self?" Morgan asked, a slight grin on his face. He wasn't laughing about her, but more about the fact that finally she would be able to admit that JJ, Emily and him had been right all along. Of course JJ and Emily were not as loud and frequent about it and had other words to say it.

Penelope just smiled at him in response, knowing denying it would be nonsense at this stage.

"I think I have to get back to my desk and the wonderful duty of paperwork," he sighed, smiling at her softly, taking a glance at his watch. He walked slowly towards the door of her office to get to his desk, but turned around once again last minute.

"And just for the record, if that had been me, I would have had no problems understanding that you just need to look for something in your life."

Penelope turned in her chair, surprised.

"Not that you ever would get the feeling of needing to redefine your life with me," he walked back to her, pressed a chaste kiss on her cheek and walked back outside.


	4. Goodbye's

_A/N: I am sure there are some people out there that ask themselves now 'why does she always have Penelope go to Paris?' Well, I have been in Paris quite a lot, so I know the city, I don't like Paris, but I know it. And in the Episode 'Lucky' in S3 Penelope talks to Baylor about Paris - although just really briefly, but I like taking that as excuse for sending Penelope there. Anyone worried that this might turn into another version of 'The Vacation' - the fanfic, not the movie - rest assured it won't. It also was brought to my attention by a few reviewers that the story has a certain 'Eat, Pray, Love' vibe, whih I have to admit is fully unintentionally. Yes, there will be 'Eat' - but that will only be mentioned briefly - there won't be any 'Pray' - sorry - and of course there will be 'Love' - but that will neither happen inn Bali, nor any other foreign country, but back home. but I'd like to say I LOVED the book - not the movie though, the movie was ... not so great actually - and feel honored that some people came up with the reference. Thank you. And that aparently got a little longer than expected. My aplogise..  
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><p>Morgan wasn't really happy when he heard that Penelope would take a long vacation and leave him for a month. There was a moment, in her office, when she told him that Kevin was no longer in her life, when Morgan forgot about her departure and saw a chance for her and him for the first time in years.<p>

When they first met, he was fascinated by her. She was as flirty as he was and game for almost anything. But it was just fun, nothing serious. He himself could not see him in a relationship with her. She was a good friend, became his best quickly and he just didn't want to go there and worry what would happen if it wouldn't work out. Over the years that however changed and he slowly started to develop a crush on her, which at some point developed into something much stronger. But she was in a relationship. If there was one type of women he would never get together with it were the ones who were in relationships. They were off limits.

But to Penelope he nevertheless came drawing back. Like a junkie needing a last fix before he'd let it go, but never being strong enough to actually let go.

So finally – _finally-_ his chance came to move in on her and she was about to leave for a month? That wasn't how he had imagined this moment to go, if it'd ever come. And when she smiled at him, this cute, lovely smile and told him the story about having lost her zest for life he understood she needed to do whatever it was that she was planning on doing. He didn't want to be in her way like Kevin seemed to be. But he also didn't want to let her go. God alone knew what was waiting for her at the end of that road.

So a few days before her departure he decided on trying one last time. He didn't want to keep her here if she definitely felt the need to go someplace and find whatever she had lost, but if there was a small chance of her not going… he would take it.

"So… that's it? You really want to do this?" he asked when they had their last movie night for an unforeseen amount of time.

Penelope grabbed some of the popcorn he put in front of her and just nodded. "Yep, it feels kind of weird though."

"And you can't find whatever you are looking for here?" he asked hopeful, hoping she wouldn't feel now that he didn't want to understand either. He understood her, fully, he just didn't fully like it.

"I think I need to break out of here and just … explore some other possibilities."

"But you are going to come back, right?" Morgan asked right away concerned. She made it sound like she might not.

"Probably, but who knows. If I meet some handsome Frenchman who sweeps me of my feet and captures my heart…"

At that Morgan looked at his best friend incredulously and let out a growl. She was joking, right? It was hard enough for him to just let her go, but now knowing she might maybe not come back?

"You know, if being swept of your feet is what you looking for, I certainly can arrange that for you," Morgan grinned at her, at which Penelope had to laugh. Sometimes her best friend just was too adorable.

"That's not _all_ I am looking for. I need to get my mojo back," Penelope replied. "I just… feel, like I am missing out on something."

"You're sure the problem just wasn't Lynch and that your life will get back whatever it had been missing before?"

"I know that you never were to become member of the Kevin Lynch fan club, but I can guarantee you that not everything Kevin brought into my life was bad. We had some really good times."

With that Morgan let it be and accepted that this was maybe just something she _had_ to do. And he certainly wouldn't want to be in her way of finding whatever she was looking for. He just didn't like her going away for such a long time. Sure, he had a little black book – every guy that was like him had – but all the women he had dated, bedded or taken out over the years seemed kind of pale compared to his Baby Girl. And it was then that he had to realize how bad he really had it for Penelope Garcia. And now she was about to leave for four weeks to some country that was several thousand miles away from him.

Sometimes his timing really sucked.

Penelope had tried to talk him out of it, but as her best friend he insisted. It was the least thing he could do. Dropping her off at the airport, and maybe also trying one last time to see if she maybe wouldn't change her mind last minute. After all it was quite some trip she had planned, and maybe she realized last minute that this was not a good idea.

But when he picked her up at the ungodly hour of 3am on a Sunday morning she seemed like anything, but in doubt. She was wide awake already, talking next to him non-stop, wondering whether she had packed enough one minute and complaining she probably packed way too much the next.

The airport was rather quiet at this hour, which was no wonder to Morgan. Who on earth would be around 4am here anyway? Let alone on a Sunday? But then again he wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now then next to his bouncy and gorgeous looking best friend, _who seemed to get more excited with every step they made towards the check-in counters. _

_"Well, this is it," she said, grinning so largely at him her smile took up most of her face. She looked radiant, happy, and he was glad for that..._

_But he didn't want her to forget him, either._

_He realized then he might not get another chance. What if she went to Europe, found a lover, and decided to stay there? It took her only a few hours after the last time he'd declared his feelings for her. He'd missed out before, he'd missed out because his intentions were not clear. _

_He wasn't going to let that happen again._

_Hell, no._

_"Baby," he said, latching his hand around her wrist. "Before you go..."_

_She gave him a curious look. "What?"_

_With a quick tug, he pulled her into his chest, cupped her skull with his hands, and kissed her like he'd always wanted to. A full fledged, passion rousing, tongue thrusting, lip parting kiss. He kissed her with all the passion he had inside of him, with six years of want pouring over his body._

_When he'd lifted his lips from hers, she was sagging against his chest. Bracing his hands on her upper arms, he helped her to standing again, then took a step away from her.__  
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She stood in front of him, smiling at him shyly, stroking over the fabric of her blouse, before she moved her head forward, pressing the softest of kisses on his cheek, whispering 'Thank you', before she pulled back and made her way towards security.

All he could do was stare after her, watching her leave and not being able to do anything.

And how did that saying go? If you love someone set them free - if they come back they're yours, if they don't they never were in the first place.

So now all Morgan could do was wait and see if she came back, if she was his.


	5. 1st email

_A/N: the next four chapters will be emails from Penelope to Morgan. This will be a one-sided conversation and each chapter won't be very long... And maybe some of you might learn a thing or two. Now, that's educating :)  
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><p><em>Bonjour chaud fourbi,<em>

_that's French for 'Hot Stuff'. Well… literally, obviously, since I don't know how else to translate that. Anyway…. how are things in D.C.? I hope you guys didn't catch too many cases with me away. _

_My flight was okay, I sat next to a guy who gave me already all sort of tips in regards of what I should see and do if I get the chance. The kind of stuff 'usual tourists wouldn't do', he also gave me his card and told me to call him in a cute little French accent. I think I feel in love with him right then. _

_Just kidding. _

_I've only been in Paris for a week and I love it. I feel like I never wanna be someplace else. _

_Paris is even better than what I imagined. And French people are really friendly, not what you hear everywhere at all. Especially the guys. Judith had already shown me all possible sights and stuff you need to see when here. And she has introduced me to a lot of her friends who are all French and very welcoming. Life over here is kinda different. I can't really explain it, but it is just…. different. So new and exciting. _

_I really wish you could be here with me and see all I see. You would probably love it as much as I do. _

_I guess I'll have to just come back with you then, and do it all over again with you. _

_Judith had only a week vacation from work, which means by next week I'm gonna be on my own during the day. Kind of scary when you think I haven't even seen everything of Paris and my French is rather rusty. But I'll guess I somehow get by and will manage. _

_And I still have a long list of things I wanna do and that Judith hasn't shown me. And probably won't. Not the tourist stuff really. _

_I've been here a week and still am pretty much excited every day I wake up. That's exactly what I've been looking for. Not that I will now relocate to Paris, don't you worry about that my big hunk of chocolate love. Just … for now. _

_Write to you as soon as I get the chance again and give you updates. _

_Tu me manques beaucoup. (I miss you)_

_P_


	6. 2nd email

_A/N: sorry for these short chapters, but writting emails has never been a strenght of mine...  
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><p><em>Salût,<em>

_What do you mean you want me to stop writing French to you and that I'd know what it does to you? I have no idea what you are talking about. And excuse me for trying to bring a little bit of foreign culture into your life. :)_

_Week two slowly passed by. I feel like I have seen most of Paris by foot. I made it a habit to meet a few of Judith's friends for lunch every day, to practice my French. I'm doing quite alright, although I know that by the time I make it back to Washington I won't have much use for my French._

_How is the team doing with the new Tech? Got an email last week from Jessica from the Tech Pool, who told me Justin got assigned to the BAU until I get back. Could have been worse. Of course, I kind of have probably spoilt you with my skills over the years, and you'll need to lower your standards now, but it won't be for long. Promise. Will be back in two weeks and you will probably not even remember me anymore. _

_What do you mean I should not get with the guy who gave me his card? You haven't even met him, how can you already say he might be trouble? And who said I'd be meeting him to begin with? He was just nice and gave me a few ideas of what I could do if my friend had no time to spare. But, well… I did a few things of the stuff he told me about and it was kind of lame. Hope that makes you feel better now, Hot Stuff. _

_What have you been up to lately? You already bored out of your mind without your Baby Girl around you, to make your days better and more entertaining? I'm sure you can find something – or someone – to take your mind of things. Certain about that. Don't you have a little black book or something? But then again I guess they pale compared to me and you finally realize that now. Now that I have abandoned you for a few weeks. _

_Still miss you and wish you could be with me here in Paris,_

_Love_

_P_


	7. 3rd email

_A/N: Her little trip is nearly almost over, but the story still has quite a bit to go..._

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><p><em>Bonjour mon amour,<em>

_Well … tough luck, big guy. This goddess decided on slowly driving you insane with talking French to you for as much as possible. Obviously without you still understanding what I say. See even ten thousand miles away I can still drive you wild. Only a few can do this and you are lucky enough to know someone. _

_Nothing really exciting to tell you. I mean … my life here is still pretty much awesome and every morning when I wake up I really have to pinch myself that I am really here. Hard to believe that this will be all over in a week. I really can't believe I didn't do this a lot earlier. With this email I make a promise. I'll never let it happen again that I put my life on hold, because of a guy. I should have come here a lot sooner, see this all a lot earlier. I love Paris. Not as much as D.C. though. But in a totally geeky, dreamy, dorky way that you can love Paris and all it has to offer. The Louvre, Marais, Montmatre, Sacre Coeur, Jardin de Tuilerrie. I love it all. I meet a couple of really cool guys the other day, while I was walking through Musée d'Orsay. But no worry, my burning hunk of chocolate thunder, they are just art students and no competition to you whatsoever. But they invited me to a couple of cool places, very artsy, independent kind of stuff. And I made like a trillion pictures, which yes, you will all see sooner or later, so get the popcorn ready. I also bought so much new stuff that I fear I might not just need one new suitcase, but maybe two. Paris is great for shopping. Clothes, souvenirs, food. God, by now I'm addicted to cheese and wine, some sort of wine you can't even buy in the US. That only costs like a few bucks and just tastes mind-blowing. I probably also gained a couple of pounds due to all the food here. But well… what can I say? You can't go to Paris and __**not**__ eat. French cuisine is after all known for its extravagance and sophistication. And sophisticated they are. Though I have not yet eaten frog legs, which I was told is something like a delicacy over here. As well as snails – which are called escargots. I somehow… can't really get myself to eat that. It just looks… weird. _

_I really start missing you guys, maybe not the gore and blood of my job, but … well, I miss you guys,. You are my family after all. And three weeks can be quite some time to go by without your family. Hope you kind of miss me a little bit as well. Won't be long anymore._

_I somehow think Judith will be glad when I'm gone as well :) Not that she has said anything, but four weeks can be quite a long time for playing host. Not that I complain or anything, no, she has been a great host, but last week her brother was over, who is from Virginia and it got a bit crowded. Have I ever mentioned that Paris is expensive. Very!_

_Anyway, her brother – Jake – was over only for a couple of days. And god, he's handsome. I promised him I'd call when I'm back and we kind of explored Paris all over again, because he hadn't really been here before. And in the evening he wanted to visit Moulin Rouge. Trust me… you would have liked it. Tons of pretty ladies, wearing barely anything at all, moving dirtily. You would have had the time of your life there. I was… well, it was okay for a while. A bit like a strip club I guess without anyone taking off their clothes really. _

_Miss you_

_P_


	8. 4th email

_Bonjour et au révoir mon ami,_

_I guess this is my last email. My bags are packed – three in total. Seeing that I came over with only one I guess that should tell you how much I bought while in being France. _

_Tomorrow is my flight back to Washington D.C. and I have to admit I am getting by now more excited about coming back home, seeing you guys really, then being here in Paris. Don't get me wrong, Paris is still great, but the excitement has kind of worn off by now. Whatever I am looking for, Paris certainly wasn't it. I mean it was great and all and I certainly had a really good time, but I have started to get really tired of all that running around and the French and all that. Time for me to return home I guess. _

_And thank you for the compliment that every pound I gained will add just to my awesomeness and beauty. But you haven't seen me, so I can't really let you be a judge of that. But thanks, I appreciate it. You are a really great best friend. _

_And thanks that you guys all miss me. Got an email last week from Spence and he said the same. apparently you guys never did warm up to Justin. Wonder why that is?_

_Trust me, Hot Stuff, when I said you would have liked Moulin Rouge. I mean it. And what's up with all the nonsense that the girls might be pretty – you haven't even seen him, unless you googled them and why would you do that – but have nothing on me? Even in Emails you are the smooth talker. But not much longer, love muffin, and I'll be returning home. _

_Hello and Goodbye – _

_P_


	9. welcome home

_A/N: JUst a bit of a warning... I am flying out to Chicago on Monday, so there might be a bit of a delay in posting further chapters._

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><p>The day of her return home Penelope left Paris with a laughing and a crying eye. She surely would miss this city, the country. She had a really good time here, but then again she also wanted to get back badly by now. It was just not the same as D.C., which she by now missed terribly. She missed her friends, the fact that she definitely understood people around her and just … Washington itself. Maybe even work, the satisfying feeling of having archived something by the end of the day. But most of all she missed Derek. It had been some terribly long four weeks without him, without talking to him.<p>

She had gotten up in the middle of the night to be on time at the airport for her return flight, just to be told at check-in that her flight would be delayed for several hours. By midday they were finally able to start their return back to the U.S. and of course Penelope needed to get the flight with the crankiest flight attendance and the bored kids behind her, kicking against the back of her seat nonstop for the whole duration of the flight. She didn't even want to know where their parents were.

Leaving Paris that day she had to realize that she came for finding the zest of her life again and for a moment it seemed like she found it again, like this break from her normal life seemed to have the effect she was hoping for. But now, several days later, she had to find out that nothing really changed. Yes, she had been happier and freer for a while, but it somehow felt different, not what she had hoped for.

The excitement of being in Paris, living something she always had dreamt of doing had died down quickly and nothing else than the usual was left. She missed her friends, Morgan especially, missed their movie nights, their daily conversations, just that he on some days was there for her for anything. Here she felt at times all on her own, with no one to turn to. Her friend was at work all day long after the first week, so during the day Penelope was stuck with herself. In the beginning she was feeling excited and good seeing new things, new places, places she always had dreamt of seeing and visiting, but after a week it all seemed less exciting if you didn't have anyone to share this with. Sure, she saw all she wanted to see, but what was it you couldn't tell someone about it, or have someone who sees it with you?

Now she was sitting in the plane on her way back and the day seemed to never end. She deliberately hadn't told anyone what flight, or what day actually she would come back. She didn't want anyone to pick her up. Penelope was certain none of her friends would have had any problems picking her up, but she thought they all could do better things on their Sundays than waiting for her to make it back and for her plane to touch down. Seeing now that her flight was delayed for several hours she was even more grateful she hadn't asked one of her friends – she would have felt really bad now, thinking they might have had waited for hours for her to come back home.

Back in Paris, just in the last few days, Penelope had decided on buying additional luggage, since she seemed to have purchased more stuff over there than she initially had expected. Retrieving her luggage she realized pretty soon that the airline somehow managed to break her new luggage already. The rolls didn't work anymore and she was forced to more or less drag her bags all the way through the terminal. Feeling incredible tired she just wanted at this stage to get home and fall into bed, being glad right now that none of her friends would need to see her like that. All cranky and probably looking like she'd come right from hell.

XXXXX

Morgan wasn't entirely sure whether it had been a good idea coming here, but the moment he saw his best friend he had no doubts that this was the best idea he ever had.

He missed her terribly, more and more with every week that past by and by the end of the third week he was glad it was only seven more days left. Just that those seven days had seemed to drag on forever. But now, finally, she was back. Back in the country, back in his life.

Looking at her, how she dragged her luggage through the terminal slowly, seeming to get frustrated more and more with every step she made, he was glad that this tech had owed him a favor and was quick in pulling up Penelope's flight information. He didn't even mind that he had spent the last eight hours waiting for her, waiting for her plane to touch down, waiting for welcoming her back into his life.

He saw her look up after a while, spotting him finally and all he could do was grin at her, being so happy about her being back. Of course he didn't miss that Penelope seemed to have tried to avoid their farewell four weeks ago rigorously, but right now that didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was back.

Penelope wasn't sure the moment she saw him whether she saw correctly. For a second she thought she'd imagine things, but when Morgan grinned at her his usual trademark grin she couldn't help but grin back. Okay, she didn't want to bother anyone with coming and picking her up, wanted to just call a cab and get home. But seeing her best friend standing there right now, she couldn't help but feel relieved. And when she saw him spreading his arms she couldn't do anything else other than accept the invitation and walk straight into them.

She missed this, him. It had been weeks since she had seen him, talked to him, took in his scent. She had so many things she wanted to tell him about, show him about. But right now, all she wanted was take this moment in, take him in, let his arms wrap around her and pull her closer against him.

This felt like home. And she didn't care that they were standing in the middle of Dulles Airport. She had missed him. Of course the question about their farewell and what this meant for them was on her mind, in the back of her mind really, but somehow she didn't want to get into that right now. That was too deep for her right now, required to be awake really and ask some serious questions, something she wasn't ready to do. She wanted to enjoy this for a moment longer. She hadn't have enough of it in the past four weeks.

And then it was over. Just like that. He kissed the top of her head, mumbled something she didn't quite catch, but couldn't really care for now either. He took one of her bags, strapped it over his shoulder and took the second one, whose wheel didn't work from her, his free arm he flung around her shoulders and together they left the airport, walking towards his car and finally getting on their way to get her into bed.


	10. plans

Penelope had never really travelled far in her life. The furthest she ever made it was from the West Coast to the East Coast, but that was it. And come Monday she had her first experience with jetlag – and it wasn't pretty. She went to bed early on Sunday afternoon, her internal clock still on 'Paris time' and she was up by 3am. The last time she had been up at that time was way back in college when she had been on a bender and came back home at that time. And in that moment she felt old. Not even when she went out with Morgan did she stay up til 3.

By the time she made it to the office that morning, she was on her third cup of coffee and packed with several bags of souvenirs for her friends and colleagues.

"You shouldn't have," Rossi was first to say, at which Morgan just grinned and her.

"Well, after abandoning us for four weeks I think that's the least she could have done," Morgan said, still grinning at her.

Emily punched him playfully and Penelope turned towards him.

"I didn't _abandon_ you. I just….. I needed a break. That's all. And it's really not much. Just touristy stuff. A sculpture of the Eiffel Tower, some French brie, wine and stuff like that," she said, handing everyone a small bag.

And then she was off to her office, to find out whether Justin left her office in a similar state as Lynch had when he took over for a few days when she had been shot by Battle – which seemed like forever ago, but it were 'only' three years. Funny how things could change in three years. She never had seen herself having a relationship with someone at work, and yet she dated Lynch. Of course there was always an exception, and she thought if she ever _would_ be involved with someone from work, it would be someone much more suave and smoother, with dark skin, who already was her best friend to start with. She had given up on that dream quite a while ago now, realizing it would be foolish to hold on that idea for much longer.

And just when she had been thinking about Morgan, she heard a knock on her door and the man himself entered her office just a few moments later.

"Hey Baby Girl, now that we have you back I was wondering whether you have any plans for tonight?" Morgan asked.

Penelope turned in her chair to look at her best friend who was leaning casually against the frame of her door, seeming like nothing could bother him.

She just made it back yesterday. What could he possibly think she might have planned for tonight?

"Um… not really. My bed sounded quite good a few moments ago, but I guess I could postpone that for a few hours," she laughed. Morgan looked at her for a moment, thinking.

Penelope could literally see his brain working.

"well, I can certainly arrange for what I had planned to take place in your bed," he grinned, which made her laugh uneasily at his wicked grin.

"I…. what exactly have you planned?" she asked partly curious, partly wary. But instead of getting an answer, he just grinned at her, turned around and left. Penelope stared after him for a moment, before deciding to maybe just let whatever he had planned happen and see what it would be. Thing was that whatever he had planned could go either way. The way he said it, it sounded a lot like something was about to happen. But then again, that's how they always talked, always were with each other. It was nothing new and for years she thought something _would _happen, but it never did. That of course was all _before_ that kiss a few weeks back. Now everything was possible.


	11. Morgan's plans

_A/N: Words can't even begin to describe how sorry I am for the delay. I am in Chicago right now with pretty limited access to Internet - which is a whole new experience to someone like me - someone who is ALWAYS online. I'm flying out to Minneapolis later today, to meet the always awesome kricketWilliams again and should be back online more or less a few hours each day, meaning that I'll be able to regulary update the last few - two - chapters. I will answer PM's and Review's the moment I actually have a bit of time, which will hopefully be tomorrow morning or tonight even... Thanks again and soryy for the hiccups. _

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><p>He told her he would meet her at her place, which was unusual for him. Not that he would meet her at hers. No. He was a very frequent visitor to her apartment. But what was unusual was that he wouldn't wait for her. He usually always waited for her to finish and then they would get to hers together, usually with him driving and picking her up the next morning to get her back to the office as well. So the fact that he didn't wait made her a bit suspicious. The next thing that made her even more suspicious was the lack of light in her apartment once she made it home.<p>

Her kitchen seemed to be the only place lit well. There was a strange, warmish light coming out of her bedroom, but that was it. Apart from these two rooms, the rest of the apartment was pitch-black.

"Hello?" she called into her dark apartment.

"Kitchen, Baby Girl," came Morgan's deep voice. And she certainly liked that, him in the kitchen, cooking. Usually that indicated good things for her. Because his cooking was out of this world. In her opinion Morgan didn't cook enough. But he always said he didn't like cooking just for himself alone. And maybe she should invite herself over to his more often. Definitely.

She walked curiously – and maybe a bit warily – into her apartment, dumping her handbag by the door, as well as her coat and went for the kitchen.

Morgan seemed busy, working his magic on several pans and the oven.

When she was a wizard with computers, he certainly was a wizard in the kitchen. And they were an equal match. She couldn't cook and he knew squad about IT.

"That smells brilliant. What are you cooking?" Penelope asked, took a few sniffs and liked what she smelt.

"Wait and see," he answered mysteriously. "Why don't you go to the bedroom, get comfortable there? I'll probably only gonna take another few minutes and I'll join you there," he winked and Penelope needed to laugh.

"You want me to wait in the bedroom? Now, how many girls did you tell the exact same thing?"

Morgan needed to laugh at her question and the blush that tinted her checks barely.

"Trust me, girl. Usually I make them never wait. Begging yes, but not waiting," he winked at which Penelope blushed more, which just made him grin wider at her.

"You're just special…" he grinned at her, at which she just grinned back.

"So you only make the special ones wait? Well, that's certainly…. different," she laughed more but left for the bedroom nevertheless.

With only one step into her bedroom she certainly had no doubt about the 'special' part. There were several dozens of candles, covering every surface her bedroom had to offer.

Up until now she had just suspected they would spent some time together. Like movie night. Figuring he had spent the past few weeks missing his best friend, but she certainly knew by now that there was a conversation she certainly didn't look forward to in her future. She knew sooner or later they needed to, unless they decided to forget about what happened four weeks ago. And maybe she should suggest that. That both of them should just forget about what had happened. After all they were in a stressful situation. She was about to leave for France, a country several time zones away and it excited her. Back then she was several times at a stage where she wondered whether this really was such a good idea and whether he hadn't asked for _too_ much. He was facing to be apart from her for four weeks, something that had never happened in their long friendship. Unless he was on a case. But that was something else- So stress…. case closed. He probably didn't even remember anymore.

But right now… they weren't stressed and yet she couldn't shake the feeling of something going on, like something was about to happen. Something other than him cooking for her.

She moved herself to the bed, deciding to listen to his suggestion and get comfortable and just waiting for him, to come and maybe shed some light on her confusion.

She grabbed the remote of her TV and switched through channels until she found something that interested her, stopped for a moment, wondering whether she should, but reminded herself that this was not a date. It was just them, doing their thing like usual. Just that it somehow felt differently. She just couldn't really put her finger on it yet.

Now all she could do was wait for him to find out what he had planned. And she missed this for the past four weeks, them together having one of their nights and just having fun.

Just a few moments later her friend appeared in her bedroom door, carrying a tray of food, which smelt delicious and looked even better.

He placed the tray on her bed, before joining her on the bed, laying down next to her and getting comfortable as well, throwing an arm around Penelope's shoulders and leaning against her.

They watched whatever program she got stuck with initially, talked a lot about her trip. Morgan wanted to know every little detail, but Penelope assumed he might be more interested in regards of what guys she was with or if there were any that stuck. That was just like he was. And once he knew he would dig deeper.

"Well…. now that we talked about Paris, don't you think we shouldn't also talk about what happened _before _you boarded that plane?" he asked and sounded as innocent as he could. In fact it actually took her a few moments to realize what he said.

"I… what?" she asked, confused for a moment. Things were going so well until now. Why did he need to bring up the kiss _now?_

"You know…. the kiss?" he asked, sounding as if he thought he needed to refresh her memory.

"I… well, why need to talk about it?" she asked warily. "Let's just agree it was the stress. Me going on this big adventure, you not having really spent a long time apart from me in the past few years. We were both stressed and just… dealt with stress through this…" she started, not wanting to look at Derek right now. God knew what he was thinking. She couldn't look at him when he would agree. It would just hurt so much. Not that Penelope had have any hope, okay, maybe a little, but she knew what was possible, and this, him, certainly was not an option.

"Stress?" she heard his voice, and somehow it didn't sound agreeing at all. But before she could look at him and get into this further, she felt her head being lifted and just a moment later his silky-soft lips were on hers. It was a gentle, soft kiss with a certain amount of passion. She felt him stir for a second and a moment later he shifted, moving closer until his chest was sort of pressing against hers, pushing her back, further into the cushions and laying on top of her, deepening the kiss with every passing second.

And Penelope would be lying if she said she didn't like, enjoy this actually. She loved the feel of him against her, his weight pressing her into the cushions.


	12. Broken

Kissing Derek Morgan – or being kissed by him – was something Penelope could've spend forever doing. It made her all gooey and she felt like a million butterflies were freed in her stomach. The emotions this man could set free in her with just a simple kiss, a touch even, astonished her even up to this day. And as pleasurable as the kiss was, eventually – much to her disagreement – his lips parted from hers, just to connected again, although just for a chaste and soft peck. He had his body by now shifted fully on hers, not giving her the slightest chance to just get up a bit if she wanted to. Not that she wanted at this very moment.

"I was most likely not stressed," he smiled at her, brushing a strand of golden hair out of her face. "Maybe concerned for a moment," he continued, kissing her neck with wet, open mouthed kisses, "but certainly not stressed. How could I be when you were so excited about that time?"

She turned her head slightly – maybe for a moment hoping he would want to dive in for another kiss on her neck and 'accidently' landing on her lips again – and looked at him confused.

"Why were you concerned?"

"You told me before you boarded that plane that maybe you'd find a Frenchmen who'd sweep you of your feet and get your mojo back. How could I not have been concerned? There you were, single, gorgeous, hot and sexy as well, ready to leave for four weeks for France and I could only watch from the sidelines and hope you'd find your way to us and not into the arms of some French Casanova," Morgan admitted, seeing her still looking at him in surprise.

"You really thought I would just … run away with some stranger I met a week before maybe and turn my back on all you guys? My friends? My family? My everything?" she asked and saw him nod verily. Just too late did he realize how that could look in her eyes.

"You don't get it, do you?" she smiled at him then, seeing him looking confused at her.

"Get what?"

"Wherever I'll be going you'll always be with me, Hot Stuff. No matter how far I'll go, I'll never be able to escape you. Paris just proved that. With every step I took I wished you'd be with me, and we could do all this stuff together. It wasn't as if it wasn't fun, it was just… lacking something. I think by the end of this trip Judith and all her friends knew you better than me," she laughed, making Derek laugh as well.

"Is there any reason you'll ever want to escape me?" he asked her half serious, half jokingly. This probably qualified as the most important discussion they ever had. Not that all their conversations weren't important –each in their own way – but this one, the one they were having right now, could change everything.

"Maybe to …" she started, but stopped herself, turning her head to the side. She knew it was stupid, especially seeing her current position and impossibility to move anywhere.

Morgan moved slightly, placing his hand under her chin and softly turning her head back so he could look into her eyes. "Maybe what?" he asked softly and curiously at the same time.

She looked at him for a moment, biting her lip nervously. She knew this had been a bad idea. If she would just say what she had on her mind he probably would laugh at her and just think she lost her mind. Every guy she always had any kind of this conversation before had went running. Even Kevin Lynch, although that conversation had somehow been a bit differently. But Morgan was her best friend. They had all sort of conversations she never really had with a guy. About all soft of things. Starting from general everyday things and ending with sex. His favorite topic.

"I … okay, before I say anything, can you promise me one thing?" she asked hopeful. She knew her chances of getting out of this without having to share. Unless she wouldn't break out in sobs and crying and tears Morgan would push for an answer until he had a satisfying one. And he knew within seconds whether she was lying to him or not.

"Anything, princess. All you have to do is ask."

"We just speak about this once and then never again. Promise me, you will never bring up this conversation."

She saw him nod cautiously, warily even, seeming like he himself wasn't entirely sure what would happen next. And how could he know?

"Maybe the only reason I want to escape is because I think it is my only option to protect my heart, guard it from breaking in a million pieces and sheltering it from being stolen away."

"Why would it break? You know whoever causes you any pain will have to answer to me," he smiled at her softly and Penelope sighed for a moment. He didn't seem to get it and maybe she should be happy about that. It would save herself from humiliation. And what was she thinking? Telling him something like that? He was a player and Casanova, he probably didn't even know how many hearts he left broken in his wake. He might not even be aware of it, or know how a broken heart feels.

"Of course," she answered, slightly disappointed maybe. She couldn't lie to herself. She somehow had thought that whenever they would have that conversation he would be sweeping of her feet and together they would ride into the sunset, happy for the rest of their lives. She was lying to herself.


	13. only since forever

_A/N: That is the end of this story. Thanks for your support. There'll be a new story, not sure when exactly but probably in the next two weeks...  
><em>

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><p>There was a long silence for a while and Penelope decided she needed to get out of this. She couldn't look at her best friend, looking so god-damn sexy and hot as well, leaning over her. That gave her all the wrong ideas, ideas that were not helping her right now.<p>

So she decided she needed an excuse, wiggling under him.

"Hot Stuff, you'll need to let me up. I need the bathroom," she said pleadingly. She didn't really _need_ to go, but well, she somehow needed to get out from under his weight, which for whatever reason felt so right on top of her.

He didn't protest much, just rolled of her and let her get up and leave the bedroom. Just when she looked over her shoulder she thought she saw a weird kind of smile on his face, but maybe he was just happy to have her back. It had been after all four weeks since they had shared an evening or some time together.

Saying she locked herself in the bathroom might have been an exaggeration, but it wasn't completely untrue either. She just needed a moment to focus. He had kissed her. For a reason, right? Maybe he had just missed her too much in the four weeks? He had said he was concerned she might run off with a French guy, so maybe he also was now a bit reckless in regards of decision making. Or maybe she was just looking for excuses again. Looking at the reflection in the mirror-just like she had done a few weeks ago after she had come back from her Christmas vacation visiting her brother- she had to realize that Paris hadn't seem to have brought about the wished for effect. She wasn't expecting miracles, but neither was she expecting that nothing would change. She had somehow thought that that little trip would give her somehow a perspective. But nothing. If anything it seemed to have made her just realize how….

"Penelope, you okay?" she all of a sudden heard, a knock accompanying Morgan's worried voice.

"I- yeah. Fine," she answered hurryingly and let out a sigh in frustration. If anything her trip to Paris seemed to have just made her realize how much she needed Morgan in her life. Not for 'help' or in any depending kind of way, but simply because she was head over heels for him. Great, just great.

When she opened the door to her bathroom she walked straight into Morgan, who looked at her worried still. There was another short silence, which eventually was broken by him, surprising the hell out of her.

"I know you made me promise to not bring it up again, but seeing I actually didn't really agree to it, I guess I'm on the safe side…" he started and Penelope already did fear for the worst. Panicked she looked at him.

"I thought you'd knew me better," was all he said, which confused her slightly. Was he referring in regards of that promise? Or was that in regards of what she actually had said before? When she didn't say anything he seemed to take that as encouragement to continue. He made a few steps towards her, until he stood right in front of her and could hold her by the shoulders.

"I thought you'd know me at least that well to know that I would never hurt you, break your heart, or steal it from you," he said, looking serious at her. "At least not without your permission in regards of the last one," he added with a soft smile.

Penelope was about to answer, when his words sunk in. But before she could answer, he already went on.

"Although I'd more consider it of an exchange of sorts since you'd get mine in exchange…," he continued slowly, looking hesitantly at her. "That is, of course, if you'd want it."

Penelope looked at him astonished for a moment, not sure whether she actually got him correctly. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? And for the first time in a long while she was speechless, not sure what to say, how to respond to that. But she needed to respond and soon, if the wary and cautious expression he was wearing right now was any indication.

"I…, " she started, still in shock of what he just said. He couldn't possibly mean what she thought he meant, could he?

And instead of saying anything she decided on letting one action speak louder than anything. She brushed his hands off her shoulders, stepped further towards him and simply pressed her lips against his for a moment. It was the only thing she could think to do in that moment. And it took him just a moment to catch up with her, pulling her further against him, wrapping his arms around her and deepening the kiss.

They stood in her kitchen for a moment, until he bent slowly down, not letting his lips leave hers and scooped her up in his arms, carrying her back to the bedroom, kissing her all the way there and even when he laid her back down to the exact same spot where she had been laying just a few moments ago, his lips never left hers. He was quick to cover her body again with his, continuously keeping up his assault of her lips.

They laid like this what felt like forever to Penelope until he finally let go of her lips and giving her time to think. But instead of think she just looked at him curiously. A look he was fully able to read without questioning.

"How dense do you think I am?" he laughed at her for a moment, seeing her looking at him curious. "I was perfectly well aware that when you said all these things of why you 'needed' to escape, were about me. I just… I wanted you to say it, to hear it out loud. I wasn't expecting you to just say something like that, then go all silent and then disappear. I was hoping that somehow it would go very differently. Very differently," he grinned at her. "But then again you always had done thing differently before, so I shouldn't be surprised that this didn't go as planned either."

"So my four weeks in Paris made you realize you want me?" she asked softly, hesitantly, worried if she actually would say it, all this would be over.

Morgan laughed at that for a moment, confusing her again.

"Trust me, woman, Paris had nothing to do with this. If anything it might have given me a swift kick in the butt to come to my senses and act before some other guy could sweep in again. But I was having feelings for you long before Paris, Baby Girl, long before Lynch even. Quite possibly from the moment I first laid eyes on you."

For the second time that night Morgan had managed to leave her speechless.

Instead of waiting for an answer, Morgan surged forward, connecting his lips with hers again.

And just like that she knew that things would be different from now on, she just didn't know _how_ different.

And the feeling of butterflies in her stomach would never leave her again. If anything they seemed to multiply. Every single day.

***-*-*-*-* THE END *-*-*-***-*****


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